Today I met my father after a long time but this was a different meeting altogether, he was there but hidden, lying in front of me and I was standing nearby him, we had an amazing unspoken conversation between us. I said whatever I wanted to but still, it was a wordless meeting at the end in which mouth found the hopelessness and eyes couldn’t saw the wanted. This was not the usual meeting we used to have since my birth. This one way conversation was causing me strokes because we always had face to face meetings, but here he was beyond this world and I was sitting at the bank of his grave making sure he will listen to me at least for last time and respond me but at the end I felt my heart is sinking because I heard nothing out of him. Before giving up I decided to shut my mouth and allowing my soul to talk with. Suddenly, a known voice raised from the grave and responded to whatever I asked. I felt I was listened, responded, cared, guided and hugged. I spoke out everything that I had in me and the remaining was conveyed from the tears falling down my cheeks and making the grave wet. I then felt a warm hand is been placed on my head to give me the comfort and then hold me to feel the unseen and untouched. Here I found a new definition of love, “True love is free from seeing and touch, it is full of feelings only”.
This was a conversation of painless pain, hopeless hope and sparkles spark. It happened at the place from where we all belong and to return there. Here, the world seems to be nothing, smile and laughter became faithless, emotions become drop less rain, beauty and light became meaningless, and wishes, stories, goals and dreams becomes words only but being human yet we believe to live for the sake of justifying our breath, body and soul. Broken thoughts were punching my heart while I was standing like a mud with a mud to become a mud, and every falling tears was letting me know that I will become what I’m seeing right now and only then I can meet him there then for a second I wished to die to hug my father.
My father was silent and wordless book lying in front of me still able to speak thousand words and visualizing the journey of my years in seconds in front of me. This darkness at graveyard is like a sun shining & showing me the future of every one of us. This became a most favorite place where I find myself. In between the battle of such thoughts I heard a whisper of my Baba conveying a message to all of us that we never belong to light if our fate is darkness and yes it is. Then he said find your light in every inch of darkness & soon u would become a candle to spark the heart of the hearts. If u wants to become human then become a reader and listener of silence which spokes louder than words. Baba, my response to you is the same when u hold my hand to help me to walk when I was toddler, when I wasn’t familiar of doing good and bad. Every bit of me is a part of u and part of me is a bit of me and baba I am nothing of nothing without your hand on my head. The most beautiful feeling is when people narrate me by your name. I am standing at your feet because for me this is the most favorite place in the world. This heals me, pour blood into my wounds and by then I can feel the rebirth of my passion and journey. Sitting here with you, touching your soil with closed eyes is like inhaling the warmness of your hug, yes this gives me the same power for which I am alive. For me this is light, this is blessing and this is success.
Things cannot change but u has your hand on my head because my hands can touch the soil and here I am wishing to become soil to hug & surround you. I feel my nothingness at peak whenever stepped in this graveyard and every step I took to reach you is a blissful journey which ends with tearful eyes. Baba, Baba…, I won’t cry because I can’t make you tense but if I lost my control over my eyes then please forgive me as you know I am half-finished when you were gone. And if I cry, it is just because I love you a lot and I miss you in micro seconds of every second. I can’t become like you because you are the real narration of greatness and I am just a word of it. You are the meaning of my name, you give me name ”Danish”, but every alphabet of it explains your greatness.
I know you didn’t liked darkness but here you are in deepest and longest darkness its frightening and is cutting me in pieces, Baba please hold my hand as I am afraid of this darkness you know that you were the only one whom to I use to call in every darkness I faced, I need your hand, words and hugs, come do something I am loosing and running away from myself. But here I can sense you are trying to say something but this soil is stopping you from uttering words but baba, let me close my eyes and start listening with my soul. Yes I hearing you Baba you are saying that “Darkness is Love, Darkness has its own language and words and only pure and thirsty heart can understand it. Day sets in night and night sets in day, which is nature calling us the truth of being formless. Accept the truth and become part of darkness to allow the light to embrace you. And believe me it attracts a lot. Don’t close your windows to the sun and light a candle instead of seeing the truth. Be ready to die before death approaches you. Free your mind from all the thoughts and let your heart and soul drive you. Be the Modest, as it is the only mirror to see you. Then those who think that they are incomplete will complete and those who think that they are restless will be in rest. To know the unfold truth of equality, go and see how peacefully all the Muslims and non-Muslims are lying in their graves where despite all their goodness and badness the Soil treating them equally to make them dust. How beautiful is the world of graveyard where nobody speaks only soul talks, where smiles turn into sadness, thoughts turns into feelings. #Graveyard is the only place in the world where a man can see his future”.
Baba, I don’t want to leave, I wish I could sit here for my entire life at your feet but as u want me to become your pride I have to leave to make it happen as soon as possible and to return back to make u smile beyond this soil. Baba, have a good time in the world of unknown, unseen and un showed. The meeting ended on a mutual consensus and I promise I’d become like my father and let the world perceive that I’m HIS son. He left the conversation with a bright smile and wholeheartedly and It gives me soul satisfaction & direction for which I was so thirsty since he passes away.
Folks, a thing to share after this happening is that Father is Father whether he is alive or beneath the earth, he can see, sense and feel. If u want to meet him, lock the door sit alone and knock at the window of yourself because there only heart can feel and soul speak else is useless. By doing this you’d find him around you for you. Try to spend maximum time with your parents because at the end only such moments will help u to smile and cheer.
Danish Khan Yousazai
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